Listen to your waiter. That is the single piece of advice that will make your dining experience, not to mention my work day, much more pleasant.
I walked up to a table with two people sitting at it today. Across from them were two extra menus and place settings. Obviously, these people were waiting for another couple.
"Hi folks! While you're waiting for your guests can I start you off with something to drink?"
"We're waiting for two more people." Yeah... of course I didn't know that. The extra place settings weren't a clue or anything. Oh, and maybe when I said "while you're waiting" it was an indication that I had acknowledged your absent companions?
Now, I realize this is a minor annoyance in the grand scheme of things, but it's also just one example of a larger issue as a waiter: no one listens.
Every single shift that I work, I have to repeat myself. I don't care about repeating myself because people didn't hear me, I care about them not paying attention. When you ask a waiter what the soups are, or what sides you can choose from, or what salad dressings are available, listen to them. If I have to repeat myself because you decided to turn and make an inane comment to your fellow diner, then I'm going to assume you're an idiot. Only an idiot ignores information that they need.
And don't just listen when you're the one ordering. Think ahead. If your meal comes with soup, and someone else at the table asks what the soup of the day is, perhaps this is a good time for you to also acquire this knowledge. There is absolutely no reason that I should have to tell each and every person at a table what dressings are available, none. My personal favorite is when someone at the table teases another diner for not listening... and then needs the dressing list repeated because they weren't listening.
You expect me to listen to what you're saying, so perhaps you should return the courtesy? I promise, if you listen to me, your meal will come out more quickly, more accurately, and with less resentment on my part.
--The Angry Waiter
"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen." -Ernest Hemingway
Public Service Announcement #3
Monday, August 9, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Say please...
So, today I waited on a woman and her daughter. The daughter was probably six or seven, and very sweet. She wanted a lemonade.
"What do you say?" the mother asked.
"Please?"
I must say, it's so nice to see a parent teaching their child manners. It seems that the faster society moves, the faster we forget the little niceties. I can't count the number of times I've been greeted by a new table with the cordial phrase: "coffee, black." My day would improve by several orders of magnitude if people would just say: "I'm doing wonderful, could I have a coffee please?"
But back to today.
After having an angelic seven-year-old politely ask for a lemonade, I'm feeling optimistic about this table. I turn to the mother to take her drink order, and she politely says: "Iced Tea, and I want extra lemon. Last time, the girl just brought one puny sliver of lemon. You're going to have to bring me more lemons if I don't think there's enough." Okay... well, apparently her mother wasn't quite as good of a parent...
Parents are hypocrites. I mean, we're all hypocrites, but seldom is it so obvious to me as it is when parents deal with their children. Not only do they insist that their children say please and thank you, they also insist that children get fruit instead of french fries or milk instead of soda, and that they wash their hands before eating. All of these things are wonderful lessons to teach your children. But if you want your child to eat his vegetables, you need to eat yours too.
--The Angry Waiter
"What do you say?" the mother asked.
"Please?"
I must say, it's so nice to see a parent teaching their child manners. It seems that the faster society moves, the faster we forget the little niceties. I can't count the number of times I've been greeted by a new table with the cordial phrase: "coffee, black." My day would improve by several orders of magnitude if people would just say: "I'm doing wonderful, could I have a coffee please?"
But back to today.
After having an angelic seven-year-old politely ask for a lemonade, I'm feeling optimistic about this table. I turn to the mother to take her drink order, and she politely says: "Iced Tea, and I want extra lemon. Last time, the girl just brought one puny sliver of lemon. You're going to have to bring me more lemons if I don't think there's enough." Okay... well, apparently her mother wasn't quite as good of a parent...
Parents are hypocrites. I mean, we're all hypocrites, but seldom is it so obvious to me as it is when parents deal with their children. Not only do they insist that their children say please and thank you, they also insist that children get fruit instead of french fries or milk instead of soda, and that they wash their hands before eating. All of these things are wonderful lessons to teach your children. But if you want your child to eat his vegetables, you need to eat yours too.
--The Angry Waiter
Zi gong (a disciple of Confucius) asked: "Is there any one
word that could guide a person throughout life?"
The Master replied: "How about 'shu' [reciprocity]: never
impose on others what you would not choose for yourself?"
Analects XV.24, tr. David Hinton
Monday, July 12, 2010
Yes, ma'am, I ate your leftovers...
Yesterday I happened to be standing near the host stand when a woman came in looking for her credit card. Standard stuff. Then it gets weird. She follows up with: "Oh, and my food... but somebody probably took it in back and ate that by now..."
What?!? Did she really just suggest that we would have taken her leftovers to the back and eaten them? We may be just waiters, but I promise you, we're not that broke. Maybe she was being sarcastic? Okay, I can accept that as a possibility, maybe even a likelihood, but this isn't an isolated occurrence.
Different actors, different lines, but it's all the same story. People, we're not criminals, we're not starving vagabonds, we're waiters. We're doing our job just like everyone else. If you wouldn't accuse the receptionist at your doctor's office of stealing your camera/phone/toddler, then don't accuse us. And please, keep in mind how common it is to lose a cell phone. Forty-three percent of users have lost a cell phone, most in bars and restaurants. You're not alone, and we do understand your frustration and pain. But that doesn't give us any magical powers, so be courteous as we try to help you.
--The Angry Waiter
"But my thoughts ran a wool-gathering; and I did like the countryman, who looked for his ass while he was mounted on his back." - Cervantes
Public Service Announcement #1
What?!? Did she really just suggest that we would have taken her leftovers to the back and eaten them? We may be just waiters, but I promise you, we're not that broke. Maybe she was being sarcastic? Okay, I can accept that as a possibility, maybe even a likelihood, but this isn't an isolated occurrence.
A few months ago, one of my Angry Coworkers had one of those people. This woman had supposedly lost her camera at our restaurant. Well, according to her, it had been stolen. By her server, no less. No, it just couldn't have been that her three-year-old grandson lost it. Well, yes he was playing with it throughout the meal, but he's too mature to have dropped it somewhere. Her server must have stolen it!
This woman even tried to make a deal with Angry Coworker. A. C. could keep the camera if she would just "please give back the memory card. That's all that really matters: the pictures!" The nerve of this woman. To blatantly accuse someone of theft without a shred of proof. The only nice thing I can say about this woman is at least she said please...
And sadly, that's not the only time this has happened. Just a couple of weeks ago a man claimed his wife's cell phone was stolen when they were eating at our restaurant. For some reason it took him four days to come back and ask about it. Oh, and according to him this was the second time she had a cell phone stolen at our location. I'm sorry, but when you've had two cell phones "stolen," maybe it's time to consider insurance... that and maybe some instruction on the difference between theft and stupidity. Unless someone physically came up and took your phone out of your hand, it's awfully hard for a phone to be stolen. It should either be in your purse/pocket, or in your hand while you're on it.
And, sir, no one steals a $50 flip phone.
This woman even tried to make a deal with Angry Coworker. A. C. could keep the camera if she would just "please give back the memory card. That's all that really matters: the pictures!" The nerve of this woman. To blatantly accuse someone of theft without a shred of proof. The only nice thing I can say about this woman is at least she said please...
And sadly, that's not the only time this has happened. Just a couple of weeks ago a man claimed his wife's cell phone was stolen when they were eating at our restaurant. For some reason it took him four days to come back and ask about it. Oh, and according to him this was the second time she had a cell phone stolen at our location. I'm sorry, but when you've had two cell phones "stolen," maybe it's time to consider insurance... that and maybe some instruction on the difference between theft and stupidity. Unless someone physically came up and took your phone out of your hand, it's awfully hard for a phone to be stolen. It should either be in your purse/pocket, or in your hand while you're on it.
And, sir, no one steals a $50 flip phone.
Different actors, different lines, but it's all the same story. People, we're not criminals, we're not starving vagabonds, we're waiters. We're doing our job just like everyone else. If you wouldn't accuse the receptionist at your doctor's office of stealing your camera/phone/toddler, then don't accuse us. And please, keep in mind how common it is to lose a cell phone. Forty-three percent of users have lost a cell phone, most in bars and restaurants. You're not alone, and we do understand your frustration and pain. But that doesn't give us any magical powers, so be courteous as we try to help you.
--The Angry Waiter
"But my thoughts ran a wool-gathering; and I did like the countryman, who looked for his ass while he was mounted on his back." - Cervantes
Public Service Announcement #1
Saturday, July 10, 2010
An Angry Introduction
Hi. My name is... nevermind, it's probably not a great idea for me to tell you my name, personal safety and all that. You can just call me The Angry Waiter. Yeah, I know, there are hundreds, no... thousands of us out there. The guy who waited on you last night was probably an Angry Waiter, maybe it was me.
I've waited tables for years. It's not because I'm stupid, or I'm unmotivated, or because I can't do anything else. It's because I used to like it, and it pays the bills. Over the years though, I've become jade. Or maybe I've just seen the light.
People are rude, people are annoying, people can be idiots. They're hypocritical, they don't pay attention, and they bother the people around them. This blog is about them.
I'm writing this primarily as an outlet for my own frustrations and irritations, but I am also writing this to educate and entertain. Those of you who wait tables or have in the past will hopefully relate and enjoy reading my posts. Those of you who have never waited tables, maybe you can learn something. Everything I say is completely true, I've seen every thing I post here with my own eyes, and heard countless accounts of similar events. If you're in the industry, you've seen it all too.
So, that being said, I hope you enjoy my posts, and feel free to share your similar experiences in the comment. In fact, I encourage it!
--The Angry Waiter
"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury
I've waited tables for years. It's not because I'm stupid, or I'm unmotivated, or because I can't do anything else. It's because I used to like it, and it pays the bills. Over the years though, I've become jade. Or maybe I've just seen the light.
People are rude, people are annoying, people can be idiots. They're hypocritical, they don't pay attention, and they bother the people around them. This blog is about them.
I'm writing this primarily as an outlet for my own frustrations and irritations, but I am also writing this to educate and entertain. Those of you who wait tables or have in the past will hopefully relate and enjoy reading my posts. Those of you who have never waited tables, maybe you can learn something. Everything I say is completely true, I've seen every thing I post here with my own eyes, and heard countless accounts of similar events. If you're in the industry, you've seen it all too.
So, that being said, I hope you enjoy my posts, and feel free to share your similar experiences in the comment. In fact, I encourage it!
--The Angry Waiter
"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury
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